Love is not just an emotion. It’s an experience—one that transcends the limitations of our physical world, one that lingers in the spaces between moments, and one that often defies all logic. There is a man in my life whom I love deeply, but with a love that I have come to accept can only fully exist in the dreams I have, in the world beyond reality. I never imagined that love could be like this—a love that is all-encompassing, raw, and yet, so painfully distant. But sometimes, love arrives when you least expect it, leaving you caught between the longing to hold it and the harsh reality that it might never be yours to claim.
I met him in the most ordinary of circumstances, at an exhibition, with no premonition that this encounter would turn into something so extraordinary. The moment I saw him, something shifted inside of me. He was so beautiful—there was a light in his smile that seemed to reach into my soul. It was as though the universe had whispered to me, “This is someone you need to speak to.” I turned to my colleague, Lindokuhle, and said with playful confidence, “There’s a fine man that just went inside, watch me talk to him when he comes out.” I had no idea at that time that this seemingly casual remark would become the beginning of something so profound.
When he walked past me and disappeared into the store, I thought, “I’ll speak to him when he comes out.” But life has a funny way of moving faster than we anticipate, and by the time he came back, I was already engrossed in a conversation with someone else. At that point, I hadn’t thought much of it. But then, I saw him again, standing by our exhibition booth, seemingly engrossed in something, and I realized he had been interacting with Lindo. He was trying to sign up for a donation, but something wasn’t right. The donation app was glitching, and his patience was starting to wear thin. It was in that moment, when I stepped in to help, that I felt a spark of something unexplainable. Despite his obvious frustration, he handled the situation with grace, with a kindness that seemed to radiate from him. There was a subtle yet undeniable chemistry between us, a quiet connection that neither of us acknowledged at the time.
We talked for what felt like hours about where we were from, our lives, and our passions. I found myself opening up to him in ways I didn’t expect, as though we had known each other for much longer than we truly had. But still, there was no romance in the air—not yet. We exchanged contacts, and for the next few months, we kept in touch sporadically. But something started to change—something that I could not ignore. I began to dream about him.
At first, it was just one dream, and I thought it was nothing more than a passing thought. But the dreams continued, each one more vivid and intense than the last. I saw him in ways that felt real, as if we were together in those moments. It was like the fabric of my life and his had somehow woven itself together, and every time I woke up, I felt an aching in my chest, a longing to be with him that I couldn’t explain.
It was then that I realized that my feelings had grown deeper than I could have imagined. The connection I felt with him wasn’t just physical or emotional—it was spiritual. There was something about him that I couldn't ignore, something that felt so familiar, like we were always meant to cross paths. I couldn’t understand why these dreams were happening, why I kept seeing him in my sleep, but they were so real, so undeniable. And it wasn’t just a fleeting feeling—it was a deep, all-encompassing love that I could no longer hide from myself.
Then came the moment that confirmed everything for me. I had a dream that deeply disturbed me. In it, I saw him unwell, struggling in a way that worried me deeply. I knew I had to share it with him. When I told him about the dream, he sent me a photo of himself in a hospital bed. I was shaken, but in that moment, I understood. This connection we shared wasn’t just in my dreams. It was real—beyond time, beyond space, beyond what the eyes could see. I had never experienced anything like this before. There was a bond between us that couldn’t be explained away by coincidence or chance. It felt as though the universe had brought us together for a reason, a reason that was deeper and more spiritual than I could ever understand.
But life, as it often does, began to pull us apart. The connection that had once felt so strong seemed to fade, leaving me in a place of longing. I tried to move on, to make sense of it all, but the dreams kept coming. They were a constant reminder that our love was alive, even if it couldn’t exist in the physical world. The distance between us grew, and with it, my heart grew heavier. I couldn’t bear the thought of not seeing him again, of not being able to tell him how much I loved him, how much he had come to mean to me. But I had to accept it. I had to accept that sometimes, love is not meant to be fully realized in this life. Sometimes, love is something we hold onto in the quiet spaces of our hearts, something we nurture in our dreams.
It is painful, yes. It breaks me every day to think that we might never be together, that this love, so pure and so deep, will only ever exist in the space between sleep and waking. But there is a part of me that believes this is not the end. I believe, with all my heart, that the reason we met—the reason we connected so deeply—is a spiritual one. It is a reason that will reveal itself in time, when the stars align and the universe allows it to unfold.
I know that one day, I will heal from this. One day, I will understand why he came into my life, why our paths crossed the way they did. But for now, I carry him with me, in every dream, in every thought, in every heartbeat. I dream about him often—at least once a week, sometimes more. I don’t share these dreams with him because I don’t want to overwhelm him. But I cannot ignore them. They are messages, whispers from a place beyond, telling me that our connection is real, even if we can never truly be together.
There is so much I wish I could say to him, so much I wish I could express, but for now, I will hold onto this love in my dreams. And perhaps, in some way, that is enough. Maybe this love, in all its quiet, aching beauty, is meant to be something that lives only in the sacred space of my heart, a love that cannot be touched by the constraints of time or distance.
I love him. I always will. And no matter where life takes me, that love will be with me—alive, breathing, existing in the place between the real and the imagined, in the dreams that will always bring us back together.
